just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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