Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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