Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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