I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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