I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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