Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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