someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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