dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
