how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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