Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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