I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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