how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
