I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
