she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Couch. On fire.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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