I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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