Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
