me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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