margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
