Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
