if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
