So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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