a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
