the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Holy shit dude........stairs
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