she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
