Non-Jews are for practice
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
