Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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