In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
