oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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