do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
