I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
