it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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