Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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