dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
