I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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