Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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