I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
