he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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