Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
