Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
