At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
