would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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