I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
