I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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