Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
