we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
