please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
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What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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