FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
