he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
