she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize