Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
