it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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