btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza