god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
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The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.