so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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