Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
