I faked an abortion last night.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
