I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
