I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
